Friday, June 11, 2010

Days 29 and 30: Coming full circle

Phew.  What an amazing couple of days it has been.  And by amazing, of course, I mean alternately maddening, interesting, exhausting, touching and (finally) calm.  Fun! Who doesn't want all of that in two days?!

After surviving yesterday, I looked at yesterday's destiny card this morning (didn't think to look yesterday!), and chuckled.  How fitting (and I"ll explain more in a minute):

The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.
    Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.

And then I looked at today's destiny card and thought, "Oh no, no more, please."

The Seven of Diamonds is one of the spiritual money cards. When it appears we are always confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
    Whether it is about money, plans to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realizing and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.

But, despite receiving some severe tests on both fronts, here I am, a (now) calm and happy surviver.

Yesterday's main obstacle was definitely anger: Anger towards myself (for being "hypocritical" and "not the person I pretend to be") and anger towards others (for unjustly imposing on my time and resources).  I was originally planning to write more about this, but, for the sake of brevity, I have decided not to, tonight.  Suffice to say, the anger was there, and out of proportion.  But it did bring to my attention some places in which I have both (a) not been brutally honest with myself about my own motivations and (b) not set clear boundaries between myself and others and then cried about being "taken advantage" of. 

So, frankly, it was a blessing to have this stuff come up, because I don't like to think of myself as a flawed or angry being, but there it is--I'm human.  And on Wednesday night, I had been just a little smug and high on my spiritual perspective, so a reality check was indeed in order. 

I did have some beautiful experiences on Thursday, however, despite (or even because) of everything.  Alot of the joy was related to Shambhala (my meditation center and lineage) in some way.  I sat and chatted with fellow Shambhalian Cece about life, and about astrology, in the afternoon.  It was wonderful to support each other, to get to know each other (we've never really hung out) and to "geek out" about astrology.  (Speaking of wonderful, check out Cece's blog about spiritual and intuitive matters.)  And, then, in the evening, I volunteered at Shambhala to do "protector practice" for a visiting teacher.  Protector practice is basically "guarding" and "uplifting" the space by maintaining a meditative awareness--and thus lifting the vibration of the room (my perspective, and experience, funny as it sounds)--during a teacher's talk.  This helps the teacher to teach, helps the listeners to absorb, allows everyone to feels safe--both energetically and physically, since we do play a security role--and, for me? Well, it just feels good to practice. 

I did have another conversation with another fellow Shambhalian, though, on the way home, which felt pretty one-sided (and long-winded, at about 40 minutes!), so the anger flared up again there--more privately than anything (as I didn't express how I felt to him--there's the rub!).  But, this gave me an opportunity to write out some "voice dialogues"--e.g., writing from the disowned voice of anger/resentment, and reowning it--which was therapeutic.  (If you're curious,  check out more about the "Big Mind" process, which involves voice dialoguing, here.)

Finally I ended the evening by giving Reiki distance healing to my "Reiki swap" partner, which was also healing to me.  Even better, he ended up giving me some Reiki distance healing in response today, at a time when I could really use it.

I'll try to explain today's "Seven of Diamonds" fiasco in a nutshell:

Normally, I teach a Music Together (music and movement) class at the Olenka School of Music on Friday mornings at 11:30.  However, I had a preschool graduation to play at this morning about 20-5 miles away, which started at 10:00.  Usually, these preschool programs last 30-40 minutes, tops.  So, I bumped the Music Together class back 15 minutes, to give myself a little extra driving time and make sure everything proceeded smoothly.

Wrong.  The program lasted an hour (the upper limit of what I thought would happen), I got parked into my spot (which gave me just enough time to call Olenka in a panic and upset her, before the car owner came), and I hit some roadwork on the way down to the music school.  I ended up arriving at 11:53, finding only one Mom/daughter pair waiting--the one who was somewhat standoffish and not inclined to stay.  So, she left.  Another mom showed up a couple minutes later, to find me crying about how badly I had messed everything up.  She was very nice, and reassuring, and said we could make it up later, no problem.  Then, she left. 

So, it took a while,. but with the help of the school's co-director, I managed to confirm a make-up time and call back all the class members (only 5).  Phew.  But I was very anxious about all of that.  Receiving the distance reiki at 12:30 was perfect timing to help clear up all of this stuck emotional residue.

And, again, circling back to the first entry. . . It was nice spending some time with Keith tonight.  We talked about my issues (earlier) and his issues (later over dinner), sandwiching a voice lesson and reiki session (treating his knee, back, etc.) in between.  All of which was very nice.

And we celebrated my 30th day of writing, of course. :-) I must say, I have not been perfect--and particularly in my off-and-on meditation--but the challenge has been well worth it, and very therepeutic.  So, thank you, Keith for suggesting it.  And thank you to myself for taking it on. ;-) And thank you, dear readers, for following along.  Blessings to us all.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Day 28: Assuming power, giving up control

Phew.  So, what an interesting balancing act I've been leading recently.  Between self and other, between work and pleasure, between the world as it "should be" and the world as it is, between moving forward and letting go. 

I've been blessed with some pretty awesome mystical experiences lately, in so many areas--teaching intuitively, interpreting astrology with increasing quickness and depth, sharing reiki and experiencing intense and sometimes "trippy" energy flow, etc.  All of this stuff is awesome, and beautiful.  I feel so blessed to be going through this phase in my life, to be experiencing this.

And then there are the other moments, when things don't move the way I think they should.  It goes something like this: I sense the energy in a situation so clearly (especially where others are "stuck" or misunderstand) and I try to shift things and/or to communicate what I see.  Thinking that surely if I find the right words and say them with the right emphasis, if I look someone in the eye, if "share my heart"--then things will "open up" and they will shift.

But again and again, I am being shown that I can't do that.  That it is not my place to play God, to force change on myself or others, even with the "best of intentions".  Which sucks.  I want so badly to be the one to do that.  But I can't.  Ouch.

After tonight's Reiki class, Greg and I once again hung out, as we often do.  In talking, it turned out that he is going through similar frustrations with his new job, in which he is trying to (if I understand correctly) help people who are about to have their homes foreclosed on, to refinance.  This process is often difficult for two reasons: 1) he is trying to "help" people who don't necessarily want the help, or see the need for it (very different then doing a Reiki session!) and 2) because it is a commission-based sales job, he doesn't get paid if client doesn't "sign on".  Very disconcerting if you have your own bills to pay! (And Greg's wife, Katie, is going to school full-time right now, so Greg needs to be the breadwinner.)

In addition to the "failed" attunement experience last week--which we all talked about tonight--this job, for Greg, seems to be another example of having clear vision and best intentions, but not being able to help the other to "make good".  It's frustrating, I know, especially in the job situation.

And a part of me was definitely tied up, tonight, in Greg "getting" what I was saying, so I could help him.  Which is pretty damn ironic, considering that I'm advising him to embody a certain state of energy flow, and then let go of the results.  Ha! Beautiful how, as different as we are, we're mirroring each other pretty well right now.  Same desire to be in control, but to also be liked/appreciated, to affect a change but stay true to oneself. 

Jesus was the absolute master of staying "in truth", uncompromisingly, and also having an open healing heart; he embodied total presence and total submission to God.  Amazing.  What a practice.  And how far I have to go.

I had an e-mail intuitive reading done back in January, and the "reader"/channeler wrote this:

"Another message about past that could be holding you back is don't beat yourself up about other people's free will. You are a direct channel from spirit to the earthworld, you always have been, and you've been called upon in many circumstances to share insight that otherwise would be overlooked or not heard by the individual from their angels because they weren't paying close attention.  You share the channeled info but if the individuals free will comes into play, it is something controlled only by their individual experience and cannot come from you.  What's important to know whether this would be a stranger, or even maybe a child or dear friend close to you, remember that in order to appreciate what something IS, sometimes we HAVE to experience what something is not.  We also cannot possibly put a TRUE sense of value on teachings that are shared with us, if we haven't had a chance to witness the opposite of the teaching first hand, so sometimes when you share and it seems ignored, your guides wish for you to understand that it's not that your words were not taken to heart, but more so, embedded in the heart as one experiences that what you shared, is completely of integral intention."

This is an important reminder, reassurance, correction--all of these--for me, right now.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Day 27: Today's "writing". . .

. . . would not make a whole lot of sense to you guys, so I'm not going to try and copy it here, right now.  I basically just scribbled out about eight pages of "inspired" astrological notes/symbols.  (I'm not even going to get into what that's all about right now.) So, I'm counting that as my writing for today, even though it doesn't translate to this blog very well! I'll try for something more comprehensible and share-worthy tomorrow.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Day 25/26: Stillness/awareness

"When you are aware of space, you are not really aware of anything, except awareness itself, the inner space of consciousness.  Through you, the universe is becoming aware of itself! Just as space enables all things to exist and just as without silence there could be no sound, you would not exist without the vital formless dimension that is the essence of who you are." (Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth)

Oh Stillness, my friend.
How long has it been?
Since last we sat together,
since last we embraced?

Funny, how we haven't visited in so long.
And yet, somehow, I believe
you've always been there for me.
(Ready.  Waiting.)

Funny, how I suddenly find you
in the times when I need you most:
when all the friends,
when all the lovers,
when all the thoughts,
when all the prayers,
have died away,
have left me alone (and empty).

And then I remember your gift:
the one I had left unopened,
tucked away
(for this particular rainy day? perhaps),
in the back closet of my mind
(behind the glittering distractions,
the cluttered library storehouse).

Only in the pauses do I ever remember the gift.
and, each time, I open it anew--
with sweet, birthday girl anticipation.
So exciting--What will it be time?

Ah yes. . . Sweet, rapturous silence.
The only gift you have ever given me.
(How precious.)
The only words you have ever spoken.
(How poignant.)
Thank you, my constant, closest friend.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Day 24: Revisiting Wicked (part 4)

So, in some past entries, I have done some brief examination of archetypal themes: how they're expressed in the show Wicked, how they are expressed astrologically, and how those two things might interact.  So, I thought it might be nice to revisit that a bit. 

In summary of what I've explored thus far:

I expressed  how the main character Elphaba represents the Uranian impulse (the urge to break free and do her own thing) and secondarily the Jupiterian impulse (the urge to explore, to have faith and to civilize/grow humanity).  Together, those energies parallel the current Jupiter-Uranus conjunction.  But the other part of the current sky-equation is Jupiter and Uranus, together, opposing Saturn. (Remember, Saturn is authority, fear, cultural rules, "the way we do things".) And this plays out in the musical as well. 

So, I'd like to elaborate, briefly on this Saturn part of the equation.  So, let's rewind a bit from the breakthrough moment in "Defying Gravity", back to the beginning of the Wicked plot.  In the beginning, we find Elphaba encountering a lot of restrictions (Saturn!) on all levels.  For example:

1. Her mom has passed away, and her dad (Saturn) does not accept her--partially because of her green skin tone (Uranus) and partially because strange, inexplicable things happen when she is around (also Uranus).

2. She is bound to take care of her disabled (Saturn) sister, and not given her own freedom (Saturn triumphing over Uranus).


3. She is not accepted by her peers--again, for reasons described in #1. (Here Saturn can represent blockage and restriction as coming from the outside--peers/society not accepting her.)

So, we see this Saturn vs. Uranus theme repeatedly.  But, until later in the story, Elphaba still dreams of being finding a way to fit in (or even to blend in?) to society.  She does, however, wish to be acknowledged for her special gifts.  And particularly she dreams of being acknowledged by the most Saturnian figure--the Wizard of Oz! When sorceress Madame Morrible discover Elphaba's unique gifts, she decides to give her free sorcery lessons--and to introduce her to the Wizard.  Elphaba longs to reconcile her own personal Saturn-Uranus opposition--e.g., the need to be different vs. the urge to fit in--in being sanctioned and acknowledged, even cured, by the Wizard.  Here are the lyrics to "The Wizard and I".  I've bolded some lyrics that especially bring out key themes:

Oh, Miss Elphaba
Many years I have waited
For a gift like yours to appear

Why, I predict the Wizard
Could make you his
Magic grand vizier!

My dear, my dear
I'll write at once to the Wizard
Tell him of you in advance
With a talent like yours, dear
There is a defint-ish chance
If you work as you should
You'll be making good:

Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I've tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard

If I make good
So I'll make good;

When I meet the Wizard,
Once I prove my worth,
And then I meet the Wizard
What I've waited for since,
(Spoken: Since birth!)
And with all his Wizard wisdom,
By my looks, he won't be blinded.
Do you think the Wizard is (Spoken: dumb?)
Or, like Munchkins, so small-minded?
(Spoken: No!) He'll say to me,
"I see who you truly are -
A girl of whom I can rely!"

And that's how we'll begin
The Wizard and I:

Once I'm with the Wizard
My whole life will change
'Cuz once you're with the Wizard
No one thinks you're strange!

No father is not proud of you,
No sister acts ashamed
And all of Oz has to love you
When by the Wizard, you're acclaimed
And this gift or this curse
I have inside
Maybe at last, I'll know why

When we are hand in hand -
The Wizard and I!

And one day, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,
A girl who is so superior,
Shouldn't a girl who's so good inside
Have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree
Seem fixated on your verdigris.
Would it be all right by you
If I de-greenify you?

And though of course,
That's not important to me.

"All right, why not?" I'll reply
Oh, what a pair we'll be
The Wizard and I;
Yes, what a pair we'll be
The Wizard and...

My future is unlimited
And I've just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know - it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday there'll be
A celebration throughout Oz
That's all to do with me!

And I'll stand there with the Wizard,
Feeling things I've never felt.
And though I'd never show it,
I'll be so happy, I could melt!
And so it will be
For the rest of my life,
And I'll want nothing else
Till I die.

Held in such high esteem.
When people see me, they will scream
For half of Oz's favorite team;
The Wizard
And I!!!!

Notice the tension, the opposition, expressed so poignantly in this song? Elphaba believes that with the Wizard's sanction (Saturn), she can safely be herself (Uranus) and be praised/acknowledged as superior (Jupiter, but also the Sun principle, the "urge to shine").  Really intriguing to see how all this pans out.  I mentioned the Sun briefly because it is another archetype at force here: The urge to shine, live and create vitality, to live one's life purpose creatively and to be acknowledged.  The Neptunian principle is also at play here: the urge to dream (isn't that what she's doing?), to imagine, and experience divine love or absolute experience.  But primarily, it's a Saturn/Uranus reconciliation fantasy.

Side note: I can relate to this kind of fantasy!

Also notice the "Unlimited" theme (very Jupitarian), which repeats, with some important variation in "Defying Gravity".  Here's a brief comparison and contrast:

Both songs contain these words:
My future is unlimited
And I've just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know - it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy

But "The Wizard and I ends this way:
But I swear, someday there'll be
A celebration throughout Oz
That's all to do with me!

Whereas "Defying Gravity" ends this way:
But I swear, someday I'll be...
Flying so high! (Defying gravity)
Kiss me goodbye! (Defying gravity)

So, what bridges the gap between these two disparate ways of seeing the world? How does Elphaba get from point A to point B? An interesting question, and one to be explored in the future. . .

Friday, June 4, 2010

Day 23: And another day goes by. . .

There were pluses and minuses to today, definitely.  Not as hyper-energized as yesterday.  And, frankly, kind of disappointed that some enthusiastic things I attempted yesterday--to set up a reiki distance healing exchanges, and to promote this blog--didn't really seem to get a response.  Ah, well.  All in due time I guess.  I can't bull-doze my way through these things.  Also, I seem to have developed a health issue that I've decided to try and treat with vitamins and probiotics--I'll see how that goes.  And then, on top of that, some emotional stuff that surfaced over dinner.  I won't go into my drama here.  Blah, blah, blah.  So, those are the negatives.  Not horrible, and I'll get through them, just a nice puncturing of my bubble, as life always so nicely provides. 

But there were some definite positives as well.  I am super-psyched about the astrology consultation that I'll be giving tomorrow (though maybe just a tad nervous, too).  Today I chatted briefly with the guy that I'll be advising, while setting up the appointment, and definitely got a good vibe.  It should be fun.  Plus he has a very interesting chart--some definite challenges, but strong gifts--that closely resembles two other friends' charts.  It will be fun to relay the info to him, and to compare and contrast with my friends' chart. 

On top of that, I gave a full 55-minute reiki session to my good friend Keith today, and it felt really nice to do that.  We certainly could have gone longer--perhaps 90 minutes?--but it was great to do a full session of some sort (not just a spot-treatment) and to achieve definite results with it.  It's the kind of thing that I need to be doing more of.  And, on that level, I am thinking:

a) I am on the brink of making a serious commitment to do just that.  If I want to get my Reiki Master certification, while training with Greg, I'll need to commit to doing about 75 more sessions by next spring.  When he brought this up during Wednesday's class, I definitely felt some trepidation--but then, this was after the attunement, so I was kind of an emotional mess!--but yesterday I felt a sudden surge of faith and optimism: "Yes! I want to do this!" I'm taking yesterday's sentiment with a grain of salt, as it could just be overenthusisam, but I'm certainly leaning in the direction of commiting myself.  Which means. . .

b) I should really think seriously about getting a reiki/massage treatment table.  As treating people while sitting in a chair, or laying on a couch, does not really seem like the way to go.   Just now, doing a search, I am surprised to find that these tables start at a cheaper rate than I thought! This one is only $135 plus shipping.  (Mind you, shipping would be about $30.) I'm psyched! Probably will seek some feedback from Greg and maybe also Dave (fellow reiki student) and Cellina (massage therapist), but it seems pretty cool.

Yay for developing my reiki and astrology skills!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Day 22: A prayer and an energetic/spiritual "update"

Yesterday afternoon, during a teaching break, my heart poured out this prayer onto paper:

Oh Lord, I am so in love with you.

I am amazed by how you support me, love me,
correct me, constantly--
even though I constantly miss the mark.

You never give up on me,
even when I continully disown you
through my own arrogance:
thinking I've got it covered,
thinking I know it all,
proclaiming myself to others as someone
worthy of exaltation.

Still, continually, you love me,
without reservation:
a feat that I, in my limited egoic bind,
could never fathom.,

Only through you, my Lord.
Thank you for giving me a taste of heaven.
Thank you for being what I, on my own,
could never be.

Thank you for humbling me,
for showing me that only through YOUR LOVE
can I accomplish great things.
And I will, through you, I know.

It's been an interesting ride since I wrote last, early yesterday afternoon.  My teaching went decently well, and then off I zoomed to Reiki class.  It was a pretty special Reiki class, I think it's fair to say, because it was time for us to receive our last level 2 attunement, the attunement of the second chakra.  By way of brief translation, for those of you who have no idea of what I speak: An attunement is an energetic transmission and raising of vibration, passed from teacher to student.  And the second chakra is one of seven main energy centers in the body, namely, the one that most deals with self-worth, creativity/sexuality and the deep unconscious.

The attunement, I think it is fair to say, did not go incredibly well.  And by that, I mean only that all of us students (myself and two others) had some mental resistance or blockages that did not allow us to go as deeply into the visualization, and into the deep emotional processing, as we might have hoped.  It is a testament to Greg's amazing powers of visualization, and "feeling" where we're at, that he was able to tell this.  No way for us to "cheat", then, I guess.  And I think he was a little frustrated by this fact.  Still, we did receive the attunement, and so we, and Greg, will have to trust that these emotional blockages will bubble up and release themeselves for each of us sometime in the near future.

Interestingly, I did have alot of negative emotional stuff come up and release just after the attunement ended.  I felt like I had "failed" the task that had been given me--that I had not lived up to Greg's expectations, or my expectation of myself as a "model Reiki student"--and began feeling a lot of self-hatred at this fact.  Even began sobbing (not a first for me, mind you).  So, that was pretty intense, and I do wonder if some of that 2nd chakra emotional processing was bubbling up and releasing after all? Hard to say.

I stayed after the class and relaxed with Greg for a while.  He felt a strong urge to smoke a cigar and drink some whiskey--I guess giving attunements is pretty intense stuff, so I can't blame him ;-)--so we sat on the front step and I sipped some whiskey with him.  And we chatted for a bit about our feelings and aspirations, and about our experiences as teachers.  All of which was a helpful way to unwind, I think, after the intense attunement experience.

But when I woke up this morning, I felt gross: Slow, foggy, maybe slightly hung over (if one drink would cause that--I don't know).  Ick.  And then I was running late to Happy Acres, the preschool I go to every Thursday morning to do music and movement with the kids, due to horrendous traffic and my leaving at the last minute.  More yucky and intense feelings emerging. 

But all that lifted over the next couple of hours.  Did what I needed to do, called the school explained the situation, taught the kids, etc. And the rest of the day went beautifully.  I ate lunch with my sister-and-law (nice, b/c we never do that), ran a bunch of errands, taught, and visited the Thursday night meditation at the Baltimore Shambhala Center.  Very nice to do that, b/c, despite being a member and somewhat of a leader there, I've been a little emotionally disconnected this past year, and have rarely gone to sitting. 

It was nice to sit, and it was nice to connect briefly with the Shambhala members--my friends, and this community that is still dear to my heart.  Interestingly, my other newer interests--reiki and astrology--came into play tonight as well.  On the reiki side, I ended up giving a brief spot-treatment to one of the Shambhala teachers who was suffering from sore shoulders, then ended up chatting about reiki with another Shambhala friend.  On the astrology side, about 10 minutes after I left Shambhala, I got a call from a Shambhala member (whom I hadn't seen tonight), wanting to give a astrology consultation as a gift to her son.  I was just humming over this--it will be my first true paid consultation (not gifted or bartered). 

So happy. :-) But also mystified how I really can't pin anything down by my passing moods.  Because my mind really wants to grab hold and interpret everything that happens in my life by how it "feels".  I would have never predicted after last night, and this morning, that the rest of my day would pan out so nicely.  But I am still learning, and will perhaps learn to expect the unexpected, huh? Which is a wonderful idea, because it leaves room for my heart to be touched, and for grace and love to enter.  Like today. :-)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Day 21: Checking in (and yes, more trees)

So, it's 2:04 in the afternoon right now, and I'm quite proud of myself for writing about 10 hours earlier than usual. :-) I will admit, straight off, that I did not sit in my meditation room first thing this morning--and I did get on the computer for a bit!--but I felt mostly okay with this, knowing I was about to go for my walk and meditation in the woods. 

And so, I did, arriving at about 10:25, and staying for almost an hour.  (I had a lesson scheduled at my house for noon, and I wanted to be back in time to take a quick shower beforehand.)

First of all, I must say: Despite taking the same trail, it feel different today, emotionally.  Much less excitable, humming, ecstatic--tossing myself into the experience of feeling trees headlong.  Almost giddy--that's what it was like just two days ago, on Monday.  No, today was much calmer, less hyped-up, more matter-of-fact.  Just being there and not making a big deal of it.  But equally beneficial, and equally spiritual, in a way.
On a physical level, too, it felt like a different experience today, with a cooler breeze and more dampness, especially in the ground.

  I ambled with the headphones on a bit, listening to my "This Week in Astrology" podcast that I had downloaded onto my phone.  (I listen to it every week.) But probably for only about 5 minutes, before I decided to take off the headphones.  I found the same tree that Greg and I so meticulously measured two days ago, and it felt calmer, just old, and I wondered if something was wrong with my "sensing" today--if I had lost it?--because I didn't feel it's energy so dramatically as before.  But, no--when I focused on it, I was still able to connect to its energy, and to gradually feel each layer as I progressively backed up over a hundred feet.  So, it was there, just more subtle. 

I continued to amble down the path, wondering if I would ever find a spot to sit and meditate.  And I did find a nice thick log, eventually.  Then I sat down, settled in.  First drawing a diagram of an interesting astrological configuration that's going on right now.  (I'd love to describe it, especially as it is so relevant to my life right now, but that is a tangent from this story.  So, not now.)  Then waiting, feeling the inspiration of another poem:

Right here is enough.
Can you feel the taste of peace?
It simmers quietly:
no magnificent bubbling over,
no dramatic crescendo,
no force, no fireworks.

Just this: quiet, still.

Can you stay here and rest?
Can you softly absorb
that which is already waiting
in your consciousness,
ready to be unlocked?
And just be.

Yes, I know you were afraid,
when the fire died,
that you had lost your chance at redemption,
that all of release was gone.

But consider:
Why release?
When you can simply rest quietly
in that which already is.

No, don't speak.
You are enough.
Be still.


When I finished the poem, I sat for a while--simple, easy meditation.  And then I heard a sound, some music in the distance.  It sounded like an ice cream truck jingle, but perhaps it was church bell chimes--just drifting effortlessly, joyfully on the air.  I recognized the melody from my childhood:

"He walks with me,
and he talks with me,
and he tells me I am his own.
And the joy we share,
as we tarry there,
none other has ever known."

I wrote down the words, then I sat for a bit more, then I walked back to my car.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Day 20: Meditation, Reiki and Trees

So, I'll start with an admission: Throughout this challenge, though I've been relatively good with keeping up with my writing, I've been quite lax with my meditation.  Sure, I've been doing alot of reiki work and visualizations, but have I been doing my regular 10 minutes of sitting daily? Not always.  So, first of all, let me renew my commitment to 10 minutes of morning meditation a day, at least for these last 10 days.  I did meditate today, although, I admit, it was this evening, and not in the morning.  To make this challenge a little stricter on myself, I commit to not sitting down at the computer unless I have done my 10 minutes of sitting. 

I'll report back how the sitting goes. . . And now, moving on. . .

To trees.  Yesterday (Memorial Day) was my friend and reiki teacher Greg's birthday, and to celebrate, we decided to do a little reiki-style tree hugging.  I already had a suspicion that I would enjoy our "outing" based on some tree/plant energy-sensing that we had done in Greg's backyard a few months ago during reiki class.  I loved the feeling of the large trees, standing underneath them and feeling their soothing and grounding energy pour down over me.  I felt, then, like I could stand--or, even better, lie--in that energy and absorb it indefinitely.

And indeed, yesterday's excursion was equally enjoyable, if not more so.  We did have a little bit of a semi-scientific bent to our exploration yesterday, namely, to compare and contrast the energy of different trees, and to measure the size of the aura layers.  We started out in Greg's backyard, and experimented with a relatively large oak tree that had an aura of about 30 feet.  Pretty impressive, considering the average human aura extends two, maybe three, feet!

We quickly decided that we would have a more beneficial and enjoyable tree-sensing experience if we went into more of a park/woods trail-type setting.  And so we did.  We chose a biking/walking trail just outside of the Patapso State Park, across from the I-95/95 park-and-ride.  As you can imagine, on a warm Memorial Day, alot of bikers chose the same trail, so we ended up moving to the side every couple of minutes.

Around dodging bikers, though, we did manage to do alot of tree sensing, which was a wonderful experience--especially doing it with Greg.  Greg commented that he was happy to have someone equally "kooky" as him to explore this stuff, and I whole-heartedly agree.  (As natural as the tree sensing felt at the time, it does feel weird and "kooky" to relay this in a blog now, I must admit.  But, no matter.)

We were surrounded by so many huge trees, soaring a hundred feet or more.  We chose one rather impressive one--a poplar, I think, although it was hard to verify with the leaves soaring way above our heads and out of view--that had an aura of over a hundred feet!! The aura of a living being, whether human or tree, has many layers, and we able to distinctly measure seven layers, just as a human aura would have.  It truly was an incredible experience to stand in each of those seven different layers and to feel immersed in the distinctive energy of each.  I had an equally incredible experience, later, while resting my back against one of the trees, allowing it to support me physically, I felt, emotionally

In feeling such a powerful connection, I was reminded of my astrological constitution, which is heavy in Taurean energy.  Taurus is the energy of "fixed earth"--natural, steady, grounded, unmovable.  It is often recommended for those heavy in this energy, or even with just a Taurus sun sign, to spend a good amount of high quality time in nature.  Sadly, I rarely do so.  I don't really carve any regular time out of my schedule to spend in nature.  I am encouraged in this matter by the fact that I will be spending a month-long retreat rural Vermont this summer.  I think that will be quite beneficial.

But in the meantime, I would like to set aside more time with nature.  Starting tomorrow.  Tomorrow morning I plan to plan to spend an hour in the woods, or in a park, connecting once again with the trees and also doing my morning meditation there.   And then, I intend to make a once-weekly trip into nature until such time as I leave for Vermont (on July 13th). I think this will be a good start.  :-)